I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Given sufficient lack of motivation, there is no limit to what people can fail to accomplish.

My doctor says he thinks I’m having a mid-life crisis. I was so surprised I nearly fell off my skateboard.

I HATE it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables, but when I get home I discover they’re just regular donuts.

I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.

I was about to give up on Democracy so I took a course in Communism. I would now be a card-carrying Bolshevik, but when I took the final …..

…. I got lousy Marx.

You red that right, comrades. Have a great day!

What is irony? It’s a Christian opining about needing to believe only the word of God, then argues the point using views based on sectarian traditions.

MY DOCTOR DOESN’T BELIEVE ME…

A few years back I went to see my doctor and he took one look at my gut and said that I need to diet and exercise. I told him that I did a ton of exercise and he looked at me in disbelief and asked, “What do you do?” So I listed the exercises �I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. After he quit laughing he said, “You need to drop some pounds and get off the couch.

“Never argue with a fool,
onlookers may not be able
to tell the difference.”
Mark Twain

So what I’d like to know is who’s going to fact check the fact checkers???? RL

The best advice that I can give you is to not listen to anything that I say.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

I just played 5 games of full court basketball and I feel like curling up into a fetal position and calling my mom
Jeremiah Johnsonn — LOL

Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?