B A C K G R O U N D . F O R . M Y . S E L F – H E A L I N G
I was born with three crippling diseases going on in my body, vying for attention, making demands that were never met, in need of professional care that never came and receiving nothing but rejection and condemnation when proper attention was sorely needed. I was dismissively informed that it was God who would heal me, so “mum” was the word regarding my appearance and extreme discomfort all the time. Day after day passed by me with my diseases literally eating me up and my job was to conceal this fact so no one would be the wiser.
I had such severe eczema that I clawed myself to smithereens several times every single day! My eyes were so bad that they were nearly swollen shut. I could hardly breathe most of the time because of my chronic and advanced bronchial asthma. While gasping painfully for air, I struggled with just about every allergy known to man … all the time … with not the slightest attempt on anyone’s part to get me any medical help. I was informed – as if a badge of merit – that I nearly died on a number of occasions.
My problem … my struggle … my needs … and I was just a wee child! Finally, one day my parents were compelled, by relatives, to take me to the hospital where I guess I was briefly visited by my mother once every three or four days. My condition had been so severe, so ugly – I’m told, that nobody ever took any photos of me. There were the rest of them – my two brothers, father and mother, but none of me.
There were articles of me in the newspapers telling how Robert Starbuck was excused from military duty because he had to stay home and care for his severely ill child, me.
My parents were “religious” folk and sincerely believed that they had put me in God’s hands. In short, it was my job to deal with MY situation. They even compelled me to read the Bible every day which in turn set up a kind of bond between us.
I was never accorded the slightest relief from incessant unbearable itching, bronchial asthma with indescribable wheezing and gasping for air as well as full-blown allergic shut-downs brought on by every trigger on the scene. But God was being “explained” to me as my only hope. Needless to say, I took this very, very seriously, for dear life! My stint in the hospital cleared me up enough to go to school, albeit a year late. I had a gosh-awful time trying to learn as I was so congested all the time that it was hard to see and hear, to say nothing of concentrate! Needless to say, making friends was nearly out of the question.
I read the Bible day in and day out – remember, my life depended on it! I continued to clear up enough to make a few friends, discover lipstick, boys, cars, and oh, yeah, my mother convinced me to enroll in modeling school. In retrospect I believe it was to “show” the people who had accused them of neglect that I was now some kind of a beauty queen!
But the skin disease, the numerous allergies, the painfully crippling asthma continued to dog me all through school. I had even entered a beauty contest – and really looked the part – after my latest bout with itching and scratching, wheezing and sneezing was over for the day. Every day.
It was my sovereign duty to suffer in private, get everything under control by myself, and reappear to the family as though I were perfectly fine. I’d read the Bible, always taking copious notes, and sometimes reach such a state of spiritual euphoria that I no longer cared about the three persecuting monster diseases I had had since birth. In moments of illumination, I became aware that this nemesis had been forcing me to refrain from going too far off a direct track to a God-awareness heretofore unheard of. In short, I had developed a sensibility that I had never seen before, nor since.
Then I began experiencing healings (discussed in PART IV: You Can Heal Yourself Now) and other miracles all the time in every aspect of my life, except – you guessed it – the final obliteration of The Big Three. They had a greater purpose in MY life. God had been using these severe challenges in my life in a supernatural way as I set out on my own, left small town life forever for the glittering lights of New York City – where temptations came at me from every side! But my close, intimate relation with God prevented me from getting into deep trouble in ways too numerous to count.
Whenever I encountered a proverbial irresistible force, I was always hailed back to God by the Holy Spirit, usually without knowing how or why and my love for Him grew exponentially. People began asking what it was that I had that made me so happy all the time – which confirmed for me that I was on some special assignment from God. I had felt such a deep and abiding sense of Oneness with Him that my own inner conversations were always about ‘Us’ and ‘We’ (God and me) – and with great joy! I loved sharing my findings with people, but mostly, I enjoyed being alone with Him.
I listened to Bible recordings hour after hour after hour, not as an intellectual pursuit, but for the Spirit of it. I began to realize an intimacy with God that overwhelmed my whole being. I used to tell my brothers laughingly: “You wanna see what God looks like? You’re looking at her!”
DrRobinStarbuck
ENLIGHTENMENT:
Your Soul Understands